Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. – Philippians 3:12-14

Before I started my Sunday run last night,  I was content with finishing my  4 miles in 28 minutes. A 7 minute a mile pace is pretty good for running 4 miles because you work up a nice sweat, yet  you’re not sprinting. I put my shoes on and in less than 5 minutes I was out of  the door to beat the  sunset. Now what happens next is not foreign and happens quite a bit to me, I’m working on this now. I started my run and was about a mile into it when a guy runs past me. In some crazy way, him passing me translated into him disrespecting me in my mind. Because the first step to getting over a bad habit is admitting it, I must admit that I am a pretty competitive person to a fault.  As the runner passed me, my pace automatically picked up and I was suddenly on his heels. I followed this random strange runner mocking his pace making sure that my feet were hitting the ground at the same time as his for about 2 miles. His pace was much faster than my pace and my  lungs were screaming, but I wasn’t going to quit and he is going to learn to never pass me again. At the end of mile 2, his pace started to slow up and I was about to make my move and pass him to show him who’s boss. To my dismay, the runner stops and starts to stretch. What?!?! This was mile 3 for me and I hadn’t realized that I had 1 more mile to go. I had an entire mile to go and my body was aching and crying for me to stop. At any point now I knew my knees would buckle and the t-shirt with “If I pass out call this number” idea that my dad gave me suddenly seemed like a brilliant idea. After I passed the runner and without my permission, my body down shifted to a crawl like jog.  As I finally made it to the end of my 4 mile run, it had been 30 minutes, I was drenched with sweat, and I felt like I needed to throw up. Does this story sound familiar to you?

collage of marathons with friends

Maybe your story isn’t exactly like mine, but have you ever wanted what someone else had or wanted to be just like someone else? Staying focused is especially hard to do when you are comparing and competing with other people. Just like my situation where I was competing with the runner, you never know what happens when you are not watching. I didn’t know where the runner started, he could have only ran 2 miles and instead of me being focused on my goal, I was distracted and lost sight of the goals that I set for myself. In life we want the life of other people, we want their cars, their jobs, their shoes, their bags, their money and in reality we have no idea what the story behind their lives. God doesn’t want us to covet our neighbor but in turn wants us to delight ourselves in Him. Trying to be like others will burn you out, the same way I barely finished my run before the sun went down because I was focusing on someone else. The Bible tells us in Romans 12:2 not to conform to this world but instead to renew our minds. Let’s challenge ourselves to only compete with ourselves and push ourselves to do what God wants us to do and not what others push us to do.

running essentials

happy running,
the christianista

In Him you have been made complete, and He is the head over all rule and authority -Colossians 2:10

As I was getting dressed this morning I heard a song by Tenth Avenue that made me think back to a month ago during my cheerleader mini-camp. Mini-camp is a fun filled weekend when us cheerleaders participate in various fun activities designed to help us bond as a team. The weekend usually consists of fun team building activities, personal safety workshops, dancing, public speaking, and more. I laughed so much I gave myself a stomach cramp. One particular activity that was challenging to me this year and hadn’t been in previous years was the public speaking exercise. It wasn’t so much the public speaking portion, but the questions our speaking coach posed to me.  We have this dynamic speaking coach who flies in just for this portion of our mini-camp, his name is Ron. Ron does a great job of digging deep to help us become more aware of ourselves and each other. The only rule that he had this year was not to cry. Cry? Pah – leeze, that is easy for me. It was my turn to speak, I gave my speech and I was done, my teammates gave me good feedback and I’m ready to go sit back down. Not so fast.  He made a comment and told me that he wanted me to come out of my shell and not just be a pretty face, but let people know who I am and what I brought to the team. “So Erica, what do you think you bring do this team?” was his question.  His question resonated something inside of me because from that point on, I couldn’t think about anything else. Who am I? What do I bring to the team? I mean, I know who I am, but why can’t I express this? As I stood in front of all of my team mates, tears came to my eyes, and it was a wrap. I felt helpless, embarrassed and frustrated because I honestly couldn’t answer his question. I saw one of my team members raise her hand in an attempt to help me, but he insisted on making me do this myself.

two cute nerds

OK - now she really is a nerd, but a really cute one

love all around

my little sister from Japan

How many times are you stuck in a moment where you don’t understand your worth? Are there times when you ask yourself, “what am I good at” or say “I’m not good enough”. Have you ever made a mistake and continuously let that mistake define you as a person? At the end of the public speaking portion so many of my teammates came up to me and gave me big hugs and told me that they loved me and I mean so much to them. I still couldn’t think of who I was and what I brought to the team. As I thought about this, I realized that Ron challenged me. He challenged me to be more of a leader, not to be afraid of telling people my accomplishments, and to let my true light shine. I came to the conclusion that modesty can be somewhat of a flaw to some extent. I hate when people brag so I almost never tell good things about myself. I even hate it when my mom tells my family the things that I have done. This past mini-camp has shown me that you have to be confident in your accomplishments and the trials that you have overcome, not just for yourself but others. An example, when I was reading the book Cupcake Brown I was really encouraged to go back to school to get my PhD. Learning about all of her shortcomings and how she thrived through them all made me push myself to want more. After about 3 weeks, I can finally answer Ron’s questions. Who am I? I am a child of God and I bring His love, kindness, and understanding to my team. Don’t you know who you are?

love my captain for so many reasons one reason is she knows who she is and she makes no apologies for it

If you are having difficulty finding your worth and who you are these steps might help.

1. Know that you are a child of God. Period.
Yet to all who received him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God  -John 1:12

2. Whatever you have done in the past, let it stay in your past, you have been set free from it. Your past does not define who you are today.
In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of His grace -Ephesians 1:7

3. Find one good thing about yourself and embrace it. Be confident in who you are.

4. Think about one test or trial that you have overcome and share it with someone. You can encourage others too.

love,
the christianista

My Best friend just got engaged and I couldn’t be happier for her. It’s so funny how these things work and especially when we aren’t paying attention or planning for them. I remember when she first met her fiancé, she told me that he looked like a vampire. Then she asked me to go with her to her second meeting with him because he was in town. We went to the city and had dinner with him and his friends. It turned out that he was the male version of her, but not as mean. He was smart, dark, open-minded, and had the most genuine heart a person could have. I thought he was great, but didn’t think he would make the cut because my friend is such a little heart breaker. I tease her about that all the time. It’s been about four years and now they are engaged.

Bestie and her Fiancé'

I relate being engaged to being a Christian for the first time. Before you are engaged, you learn about this mysterious man. Your friends and loved ones want to hook you up with him, but you are still trying to figure things out. You hear from your family and friends why this new guy is the perfect man for you and you trust their opinion. You then start to think that maybe this guys deserves a shot, but you are in other relationships that you have to let go of  first. You aren’t ready to stop partying and going out. You do a little research on him by googling him. Then finally you agree to go on a group date to meet him. You meet him and find him interesting. You agree to go on a second date, and then a third. Before you know it, you are going on dates with him every Sunday. You get to know him and you are spending time with his family and friends. It’s now been a year and he asks for your hand in marriage. Your heart is fluttering, but you have no doubt in your mind that he is the one for you. Finally you say yes. Now what?

Partaking in the celebrations

cool dudes aka our cool friends

When you accept Christ as your Lord and Savior and say yes that you want him in your life forever, just like a new marriage, it takes work. I’ve researched a couple of steps on how to keep your relationship with Christ new and fiery and also how to nurture it to help it grow. Like a new marriage, becoming a new Christian is synonymous with what you would do as a new couple:

1. Never stop learning about each other – Don’t ever stop learning about God. Even if you get to the point of reading the entire Bible through. Study the bible and learn how to be loving, forgiving, strong, and more like Him. Biblegateway (http://www.biblegateway.com/) is an excellent resource for devotions, reading plans, verses of the day, and more.

2. Communication – Talk to God and pray without ceasing. Prayer does not have to be formal, it is a personal conversation between you and God.

3. Tell your friends about Him – Friends and family are your support and should hold you accountable. Now that you are Christian, there should be no question about if you are or not. People should know by the way you carry yourself and act.

4. Hang out with other married couples – I’m not saying cut off your friends who aren’t Christian, but also find other Christian friends. You will find encouragement and the problems that you may face, your new Christian friends may have already encountered them and have great advice for you.

Being a Christian means so much more than going to church and saying that you are a Christian. Being a Christian means more than wearing a cross and being baptized. It’s a way of life. It means believing the Bible and relating it to everyday life. It means believing that Jesus is the Son of God and that He died on the cross for our sins. It means knowing the difference between right and wrong and choosing “right”. It means letting Jesus be the example of how life should be led.

You better watch your back because I'm watching Ari's

Oh, and it was her bday so I guessed she deserved Lucy

To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable, because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you.”

~ C.S. Lewis~

love,
the christianista

If you fell for this line, you are not alone. There have been plenty of times when I’ve clicked on these types of job descriptions or believed something that was almost impossible. Guess what? It was impossible!

Proverbs 13:4

The soul of the sluggard craves and gets nothing, while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied.

One thing I’ve learned in life is that shortcuts do NOT pay off.  As a matter of fact it irritates me so much when people think they can automatically get something when they put NOTHING into it. I understand that sometimes people get lucky, but for the most part luck favors the prepared. Get rich schemes DON’T work. Maybe at the beginning when you enter into one of these schemes, it can seem promising but before you know it you are paying more than you earn. Diet pills, DON’T work. Sure you can loose weight, but the root issue of the problem is still there and diet pills can not take those issues  away. The fact that you don’t want to work hard and don’t want to eat healthy will go on unchanged, until you decide to make that change. Cheating does NOT pay off. How many of us cheated throughout school just to get an A on a test? We may have fooled our teachers into giving us a certain grade, but we actually cheated ourselves out of a learning opportunity, especially if we were paying for the class. Lying DOES NOT work. You will get caught. Lying to someone, to yourself, by omission, or whatever all limit growth in your life. OK, so you messed up, confess and grow from your mistake, we all make them.

One of my best friends is a really hard worker and I really admire her patience and diligence. I’ve seen her study for the PMP test for an entire year and successfully pass on her first try. I’ve seen her study for the GMAT for two years and was accepted into a top tier school and spent the week helping her celebrate her graduation and bomb new job!

Ari and I celebrating at The Library of Congress. Great excuse for me to straighten my hair

My beautiful dates

Jet lagged and cold but still smiling for the camera!

Graduation Day! You can't take us NO where

Strong smart women. Now we all have a Master Degree, on to our next venture!

OK, so the humidity ate up my hair and spat it out to look like this....

We fly across country or anywhere to support each other..with my brother Beans

We screamed our lungs out for our Ari

Cali Swag

God tells us in Proverbs 13:4 that if we are lazy, we won’t receive our blessings. To gain something you have to give something. That something you give could be time, love, forgiveness, energy, tithes, and there is plenty more to give. The only thing that is too good to be true that you can actually have for free is God’s love.

love,
the christianista

I love technology for the mere fact that it has connected me with people who I would have never met otherwise. I recently had the chance to converse via twitter with a young woman who probably lives thousands of miles away from me. Yet, she has inspired me like she lives next door. I was reading her blog and she wrote a simple yet strong post. The message that I got out of it was forgiveness. The type of forgiveness that God gives us which is very hard to give to others. The message I also got was accountability, she wasn’t making any excuses. She doesn’t blame anything on anyone, she just rolls with the punches and lives her life. In her post I  love how she addresses him as “dad” and signs the letter as “your daughter”. Thanks girl, your dad is missing out!

I feel like a ate a bass drummer who is steadily beating his drum in my stomach. I say the dumbest of things to try to seem interesting, ugh did I just say what I think I said? I can’t stop checking my phone to make sure I’m not in a bad reception area, I even call my Mom to make sure everything is working – “um yeah, hey Mom, sorry didn’t mean to call you, bye.” I check his facebook status for newly tagged pictures of him. I workout everyday to keep my curves solid and not mushy. I want to cook new ethnic food that I’ve never tasted to seem diverse. I keep my attitude light and positive, no guy wants a Negative Nancy. I tell myself to let the phone ring twice before picking up, but can’t help but pick up halfway through the first ring – “oh hi, sorry it took me so long to answer, I stay soooo busy.” The drummer in my belly beats a little faster and louder when I call him and wait for his voice. I googled him. Some people call it stalking, but I call it Internet research, don’t judge! I already love football, but I become obsessed with it around him because, hey, I wanna be a guys girl. I went to the doctor to figure out what was wrong with me and was diagnosed with puppy love. Dr. said there is no cure and it’s contagious. And by Doctor, I mean my good friend T.

Puppy Love

love,
the christianista

Joking with my friend the other day I bragged, “I don’t have to lie, my truth is amazing!” I said it with so much attitude that my “joke” fell short of the last laugh and she looked at me with serious eyes and said, “that was kind of deep.” I guess when I think about it, I really meant what I said. I don’t have to pretend to be anything other than myself, take it or leave it.

Have you ever felt like you were conforming to what others thought of you? I myself can remember specific times when I became a person that someone else wanted me to be. I had to realize that I was much better than that. You and your beautiful self are so amazing. Yet we sometimes forget this. Instead we believe in some of the definitions that the world tries to give us. The world is a tricky place and can sometimes have you living a life that is far from who you really are. The world can put labels and stereotypes on you and if you’re not careful, you will end up living and being those things. People will try and define you as a liar, a cheater, a whore, a loser, a failure, fat, ugly, an addict, not good enough. This world will try to define you as everything but a child of God. When people back stab you, when you are heartbroken, when you lose your job, when you lose a loved one, when everything in your world is turned upside down, you can easily fall weak to definitions. Don’t let anyone define you as undeserving of love, a failure, a victim, a liar, that God doesn’t love you – those are all lies. In actuality, you are far from those things. Your beauty is unyielding. Your strength cannot be weakened. Your perfection can not be flawed. You are amazing, beautiful, and perfect and you know who defined you this way? God.

Romans 12:2
Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.

You don’t have to let someone else define you. You don’t have to be something that God didn’t destine you to be. You don’t have to live a lie, your truth is amazing.

love,
the christianista

The choice to give my life to Christ was solely up to me, no pressure from anyone. Of course my parents wanted it for me, but they didn’t pressured me. Actually I remember doing something similar, but I was too young to do it for myself.  I remember like it was yesterday, which is rare for me because I forget almost everything unless its traumatic.  My decision had been made well before the altar call, well before the sermon, well before the choir selection and praise and worship, I just knew that that was the day. Little did I know that the  decision was made for me on this certain day way before the thought entered my mind. This decision was already made for me before my parents wanted it for me and  before my birth – according to God.

I remember the sermon ending and my heart racing. By the time the altar call had begun, my hands were sweating. Was it because I was thinking about what others were thinking – probably. I felt ashamed and felt that everyone would know my sins and would judge me. I was very involved in church, my father a deacon and both my parents were directors of  the Children’s Church. I was at church 3 times a week and had Bible study at home with my family. I mean, was I THAT bad  a sinner? I used profanity quite a bit. I had tried alcohol and weed before, but that was only once and I didn’t even inhale. Sure I kissed plenty of boys, but I was still a virgin and  on my way to college soon, so I wasn’t that bad. Actually, I was pretty darn good. I was only suspended once in school and was only out a few days because I had near perfect grades. I was Homecoming Queen which showed how nice I was to my fellow peers. I worked hard at sports and my track coach told me that ECU wanted to extend a full scholarship to myself and 3 other ladies on my team. The only time I skipped school was to get food. My teachers loved me, especially my bio teacher who helped me get invited to the State Science fair. As a matter of fact because I was such a “good student” I held drugs for one of my “cousins” because no one would ever suspect me.  Of course I went to college parties already and drove when my parents had no idea that I had started driving so early, but I was with my older cousin so I was safe. As long as I made great grades, stayed involved in church, and stayed involved in school what harm could I do? I was like the model teen……..on the outside, but in the inside something wasn’t right. I felt such a heavy burden – I wasn’t right with God. As I raised my hand to confess that I needed Christ in my life, it was like my arm weighed 50 pounds. I felt this feeling many times at church but suppressed it because I didn’t want people to think of me as a hypocrite. This time I felt courage that I had never felt before. When I finally stood up to walk down to the altar, the lump in my throat grew so big that it exploded, the tears  falling down my cheeks were the only evidence. I didn’t understand why I was crying.

The walk to the altar seemed to take 10 minutes and I could feel the heat from peoples stares and the moisture from my arm pits trying to leave stains on my shirt. As I kept walking and getting closer to the altar I started to feel weightless like I knew I was walking, but didn’t feel like I was. It was at that point that I thought about God and not myself and my surroundings. I thought about how He gave his Son because he knew we would sin. I thought about how He knew my deepest darkest secrets and thoughts yet He still wanted me. I thought about how He worked miracles in my own family. I thought about how powerful He was. It was just about me and Him on a personal level now, no one else mattered at this point. As I started to focus on Him, my walk to the altar got lighter. Those stares that I felt previously turned into beams of pride. The stillness in the air lessened and sniffles and cries of praise filled the space. Hallelujahs were heard and rejoicings rang out.  I  started to think how lucky I was for being one of the people God chose. With the salty taste of dried tears on my lips and the gift of God’s love in my heart, I started to feel  the burden lift.  I could hear my Dad behind me shouting and crying- he had made his way down to the altar to support me, he has always been my biggest fan. God had already chose me, but this was the day that I chose Him back.

As I look back at my High School days, I realized that there were so many other people with my same path but have found themselves at a different endings. I was the typical teen and  could have easily ended on a different road. I thank Jesus for his grace and mercy because I myself am nothing short of a miracle.

I just wanted to write to say if you are one of the people who hasn’t accepted Christ and  feel that lump in your throat during altar call, lucky you, He is waiting for you to accept His invitation.

love,
the christianista

Recently I’ve been dealing with things in my life that have kept me away from writing. I have been mourning the loss of a close friend, mentor, and loved one in the form of my grandfather. I understand that death is a a part of living, but it is very hard part to accept.

I thank God for the amazing relationship that he has formed together between his son Jesus and myself. If it weren’t for that relationship, I would question and doubt God’s intentions for taking such a precious part of my life away from me.

I talked to my grandfather on the phone at least every week. I LOVED hearing his voice, it actually made me smile. At times when I heard his voice, my eyes would well up from so much joy I had from hearing his laugh. Feelings of guilt for living so far away and not being able to provide him with a better life surrounded me. I loved my grandfather for so many reasons. I loved him because he was so overjoyed when I called him. I loved him because he was incredibly intelligent and I could never beat him in a game of  checkers. I loved him because of the way his puppy dog eyes looked at me when I had to leave. I loved him because of the way I could talk to him for more than an hour on the phone and not realize it. I loved him because he gave me my Dad who reminds me of him in so many ways. I loved him because I  can empathize with his sweet tooth. I loved him because when I was around him, it couldn’t get any better. I loved him because I could still teach him new things and tell him jokes. I loved him because he made me laugh out loud every time I talked to him.I remember when his first leg was amputated, I was so sad and he could see it in my face. He looked at me and said “don’t be sad, I can still dance” as he lifted his stump of a leg up and down to show me.  He would always tell me to “take my love with you”.

I will always take your love with me Granddaddy, I just wish I could take you with me too. I miss you!

love,
the christianista

So today I realized that God is crazy about me. I love him and he loves me way more. Sometimes when I’m blessed with certain things that I know I don’t deserve, I feel like that little girl who has her Daddy wrapped around her finger. I feel spoiled by God. Out of all the people in the world, He loves me the most, or at least it feels that way. Have you ever received a blessing and thought to yourself that you didn’t deserve it?

I was reading a story about a little boy who was the only survivor of a plane crash and in good condition. Out of the 103 passengers and crew, this little 10 – year old boy survived. The media writes that this is nothing short of a miracle, but I’m writing that this is nothing but a blessing. After seriously thinking I was favored by God and that I had special attention, now I’m wondering is it possible for God to have two favorites?

God is so good that he makes us all his favorite. His omnipresence, love, and consistency is what keeps up feeling like #1.  Psalms 139: 7 says it best:

7 Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence? 8 If I ascend to heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in 1Sheol, behold, You are there. 9 If I take the wings of the dawn, If I dwell in the remotest part of the sea, 10 Even there Your hand will lead me, And Your right hand will lay hold of me. 11 If I say, “Surely the darkness will 1overwhelm me, And the light around me will be night,” 12 Even the darkness is not dark 1to You, And the night is as bright as the day.Darkness and light are alike to You.

No matter what you do, where you go, who you’re with, God will be there too. He will be your #1 fan, your best-friend, your life jacket, your go to person, he will be there because you are his favorite!

love,
the christianista

What is flow:

Finding Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi is a book that attempts to explain how to live in exceptional moments against the dull background of life. You are in your flow moment when you are doing something challenging that you love and time doesn’t seem to matter. Unlike happiness, flow is complete mental and physical involvement. Flow are exceptional moments with mental focus that encourages action. When you are in your flow, you have a clear vision and focus of your goals.

Where does flow happen:

Flow can happen while you’re dancing, working, running, and hanging out with friends just to name a few. An example of a flow activity would be a game of connect four. Two players who know how to play the game, who know the goal of the game  can concentrate very clearly on reaching their end goal. These players have no question of what is to be done and how. During the entire game, the two players are in this concentration bubble with a concise end goal in sight, and that goal is to win.

How do you find your flow

Below is a list of ways to find your flow from Zen Habits:

2. Find something that is challenging – If you’re like me,  you will probably not give your undivided attention to something that is too easy and instead multitask.

3.Minimize distractions – Turn your phone and computer off. Let people know that you are busy and not to disturb you.

4. Prepare yourself – Make sure you have everything you need so you don’t have to break your concentration.

5. Isolate yourself – This goes along with eliminating distractions. Sometimes distractions can be your boyfriend, friend, mom, and even your  pet.

6. Let go– Let go of your expectations and excuses,  just do it!

7. Set a timer/deadline – Give yourself a set time so you have something to work towards. I find that I work better under pressure, so having a set time pushes me.

Phillipians 4:13
I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

love,
the christianista

So I am obsessed with finding news ways to be productive, organized, and just overall personal growth. I can not think clearly if there is clutter or mess, so I make a day once a week to de-clutter my space. I don’t have a specific day every week because its very necessary for me to keep a flexible schedule. This week I’m choosing Monday. I found a list from one of my favorite websites with tips to stay productive. I choose my top 10 favorites to try on Monday:

- Stay focused on what you are doing: This is very important to me. So many times I think so ahead in the future part because of ADHD and part because I’m a natural dreamer. Whatever the case may be, I have to always remind myself to be present in the moment.

- Do something else every 30 to 40 minutes to refresh your mind and body: During my graduate studies I learned that an adult can only focus on something for no longer than 45 minutes.

- Find what others have done in related fields and learn: I find time everyday to read and/or listen to podcast in my chosen field

- Be Passionate about what you are doing: This is something that is so natural to me, but I still like to focus on it.

-Give yourself credit for what you do: The hardest point for me. I seem to focus on what I need wrong so that I can grow from it. I never see the good things I do because there is ALWAYS room for improvement.

-Check your email not more than twice a day: Ummmm…. will be working on this starting on Monday

Share your produtive tips.

love,
the christianista

OK……so, I’m a little confused here. I’m not all about the looks, actually, I’m not about the looks. I believe that the kind of heart a person has is so much more important that the exterior. However, because I watched the show “Let’s talk about Pep”, I’m a little confused on how Jacque ended up with J. Anthony Brown. Jacque Reid, former BET nightly news anchor, was one of my favorites of the show. She is extremely smart, articulate, cute, and fly and J. Anthony Brown is the opposite of all that in my opinion. Is his personality so dynamic that he pulled Ms. Reid? According to The Tom Joyner Morning Show and Black America Web,  J Brown and J Reid are getting married on the “Fantastic Voyage” cruise on Monday, May 17.

love,
the christianista

Lord it is apparent that I couldn’t’ survive without you. It is obvious that I wouldn’t be the woman I am today without you. Lord I love and need you more than I need air to breathe. Lord I love you and need you more than I need water to drink. Lord I love and need you more than I need my heart to pump. You are amazing and I don’t want to live in this world without you. Thanks for leading me through darkness and guiding me through the day. Lord it is inevitable that I will rely on you and that is just the way I like it.

love,
the christianista

Yesterday I found out that my Uncle Willie passed away. They found his body unconscious from a heart attack. My Uncle was young in age and even younger at heart. We would tease him because he would  complain that he was tired all the time. He was the baby of the family. He lived and took good care of my granddad, but would sleep the day away. We would find him walking to his  room saying, “I’m tired, I’ve been babysitting Daddy all day”. When we would come to visit my grandfather, we would bust through my Uncle’s bedroom door to make him wake up. He never told us why he was so tired. When he died, papers were found in his room, evidence finding him guilty of being on a wait list for a heart transplant. He never told us.

My dad took it the hardest in my opinion. It was his baby brother. It was the only other person who could make my dad so mad.  My Uncle Willie. He was so funny!! No, really really funny.  He was about 6 feet tall, thin boyish frame with a big head and even bigger smile. I can’t remember a time when he was not smiling.

There, I did it!

You will always be adored and missed. Until we meet again……

love,
the christianista

I was talking to my cousin the other day who is seriously dating her boyfriend and the topic of Pre-Marital classes came up. I shared my opinion that I think couples who are seriously dating should take Pre-Marital classes. You would have thought I said something deep and profound by my cousin’s reaction. She excitedly agreed with me.

The church that I attend believes that Pre-Marital counsel/classes are essential before marriage and especially beneficial to couples who aren’t engaged yet. I agree with my church in believing that by the time you are engaged and have the pressure of the ring, red flags and warning signs are easily dismissed.

The purpose of a Pre-Marital class is to guide you in learning more about your partner while growing closer to Jesus. You are supposed to learn or become aware of you and your partner’s differences  communicative tools to work with those differences.

What do you think? Should Pre-Marital classes be reserved for the engaged? Share your thoughts.

love,
the christianista

Today I found myself incredibly stressed out. I keep telling myself not to let people negatively affect my day, but I’m human and can’t control my emotions 100% of the time. As strong as his faith was, even Job got stressed from time to time. In Job 20: 27, Job says, “The churning inside me never stops; days of suffering confront me.” Despite the situation, everyone experiences stress at some point in their life. Jesus tells us in Matthew 11:28-30 to come to him when we are burdened and weary and he will help us rest. In times like now, I have to remember that stress isn’t worth the headache, especially when you can go to God for a spiritual Advil.

love,
the christianista

I’m going to say NOTHING. I think Valentine’s Day is for women and we should be showered with gifts and love. Call me crazy or selfish, but I just think that women should be appreciated and loved even more on this special day. Valentine’s Day is for us, but if you HAVE to get him something, I suggest doing something special for him instead or buying something. If your guy is making you feel extra special throughout the year and you want to reciprocate that love, try doing something he likes or making something for him. Here are a few low key but thoughtful V-day gift ideas for him:

1. Make him 10 cups with 10 reasons why he is lucky to have a girl like you: You can use icing to put a number on each cupcake, and have a card with the reasons. You can also write numbers and reasons on the bottom of the cupcake.
2. Cook him his favorite lunch and attempt to play a sport with him: He will think it’s the cutest thing when you ask if he wants to throw the football around a bit after lunch. Have him teach you his sport of choice.
3. Make him a CD with all of his favorite songs with you singing or rapping the lyrics: This can easily be done with Garageband on Mac and YouTube. Any music on YouTube can be downloaded to your computer with mp3 converter (free online). If you don’t know the lyrics, don’t worry, you can Google most lyrics on the Internet. Once you have the soundtrack and lyrics, use Garageband on Mac to become the producer that you have always wanted to be.
4. Have your friends call or text him with reasons why you love him: I did this before. He will be surprised to have random people calling, but even more proud that everyone knows how much you love him.
5. Volunteer at a V-day program at Senior Citizen home: He will see and appreciate how you share love with others and also get some wise advice about love from older couples.

love,

the christianista

When I moved thousands of miles away from my family to start a new career fresh out of college, I met two amazing women who I  became very close to. Both ladies are completely different from each other,  but represent a part of my personality. A is very shy at first, but once she gets to know you , she can’t stop talking, just like me. S says whatever is on her mind and will offer her honest opinion if you ask her, this is one of my personality traits and faults. Both of these ladies are very giving; whether A is giving her time to the community or S is befriending someone who doesn’t have friends, they both inspire me to be a positive woman. I don’t mean to toot our horn, but we are known to turn heads when we walk into a room, it’s just a known fact, check our statistics. Lol. As hawt as we were(and still are), there was a certain point when we were all single and instead of going out, we would stay in on weekends and watch Sex and The City reruns. I remember A and I watching one episdoe when Charlotte said, “Don’t laugh at me, but maybe we could be each others soul mates? And then we could let men be just these great nice guys to have fun with?” I thought that was so sweet until A turned to me with the evil eyebrow and said, “Don’t you ever say that crap to me!” LOL. So despite A’s feelings about soul mates as friends, I decided to make a Valentine’s Day date just for my soul mates

Valentine’s Day last year, I decided to surprise A and S by being their Valentine! I scheduled them both massages during the late afternoon. It turned out that I scheduled for the wrong day, typical of me, but they still enjoyed it nonetheless. After their massages, I told them to meet me at my apartment. I greeted them with matching PJ’s. They did NOT want to put on the PJs but I insisted,  it was too funny. It was even funnier when they finally put their PJ’s on, long john shirt with pants to match and both covered in heart designs.I cooked them dinner, pan seared salmon and salad. A would especially appreciate this since she only eats fish and chicken(barely). I also prepared a candy basket, which I ate half of the candy before they got there, an issue I’m still working on. So to make a long story short, we had a great Valentine’s Day, just us girls, us “soul mates”. Haha.

Share one of your non-traditional Valentine’s Day stories below.

love,
the christianista

Shouts to my girl (you know who you are) and someone else needs to hear this too. We had a long talk today and I just want to let you know that you are strong, beautiful, smart,  amazing, and God is crazy about you. Don’t let ANYBODY tell you anything differntly. I know time may feel like it’s standing still right now, but after a storm there is calm and peace and sometimes a rainbow. I will be there for you through it all and so will God. I Love you!

love,

the christianista

I remember my first flight with my mom like it was yesterday. We had it all figured out, mom would buy a window seat, me an aisle seat. We were seated early, magazines ready, shoes off with warm cushy socks, snacks, and no one sitting between us. We were the plenipotentiary of our row, and had full authority of the empty seat that separated us. Between life, the juicy gossip in US weekly, and new fashions from Elle, we had a lot to talk about.   However, as soon as the cabin door closed, so did my mom’s eyes. Wait, “wake up mom…mom, for real?” “Wake up, mom, don’t close your eyes all of the way, mom? “OK, don’t close your other eye, mom…mom, at least listen to the safety instructions!!” She doesn’t even move her head, or open her eyes, but out of her mouth, she says, “if this plane crashes, we all are going to die, so it doesn’t matter”. She doesn’t open her eyes for the next 4.5 hours. Ugh! So at this point, I realized that I would not have any conversations with my mom! Sadly, with no distractions from my mom, I actually paid attention to what the flight attendant was saying.

“…. In the event of a decompression, an oxygen mask will automatically drop from a compartment above your seat. To start the flow of oxygen, pull the mask towards you. Place it firmly over your nose and mouth, secure the elastic band behind your head, and breathe normally…… If you are travelling with a child or someone who requires assistance, secure your mask on first, and then assist the other person….”

This made me think about life and how we, especially as women, have tendencies to help people. If we can’t breathe, how can we help someone else breathe? In my past, I’ve always had a tendency to help the person I was dating at the time. I genuinely felt in my heart that I could help him or change him into a better person. When, in fact, I wasn’t in the position to help anyone. How could I help someone if I didn’t have it together myself? If I didn’t understand myself, take care of myself, know how to have me time, love myself, how could I share “love” with someone else? The answer is I couldn’t.  Like the flight attendant tells us, secure your own mask first before you can help someone secure theirs.

love,

the christianista

So I was reading this book, “How to marry the man of your choice”that one of my friends has a joke and have come to find some very interesting points. The book which was written in 1984 by Margaret Kent(she has written a new one since) talks about how to get that man of your dreams. Lol. While this book is hilatious (my word for incredibly funny), it brings up a very few  valid points. As I sneeze and wipe my fingers off on my jeans from the dust buildup on this book, margaret talks about the importance of self confidence as a woman. We always hear about how having self-confidence is attractive, but she shows us how an over confident woman is viewed through a man’s thought process:

1. She has a high opinion of herself
2. Therefore, she must be someone special.
3. She has a low opinion of most people.
4. Therefore, if she accepts me as her man, I must be someone special!

I’m sure you can’t go out and buy this book anywhere, so I will just give you “Margaret’s HTMTMOYC(How to marry the man of your choice) tips”. It only gets better. ROTFL. Actually, I should make a section for this.

love,

the christianista

This is my favorite dance routine from last season’s “So you think you can dance”. The dance is about a person trying to shake their addiction, but the habit is too hard for them to kick. As you can see, the piece causes some serious emotion.

I hope you enjoy this as much as I do!

love,

the christianista

Psalms 34:18 says: The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

When you feel  rejected, dismissed, mistreated, used, and hurt and the list goes on and on, Jesus is there. God is closer to you than you think!

When I was a young girl and would get in trouble by my parents, my younger sister would ALWAYS be there to comfort me, even when I didn’t want her to be there. I would sit in my room and cry, pout, and was angry at my parents and in comes my little sister. She would come to my defense, and express to me how it was unfair for me to be  in trouble.  She would get so involved emotionally that I would have to shush her for fear of my parents coming back in and putting both of us on punishment (lol). She has always tried to take up for me and has always had my back! When you are mistreated and are hurt and down, Jesus wants to be there for you. He wants to comfort you and take up for you even when you don’t want or expect Him to be there.

Wherever you are in your life and whatever you may be going through, remember, He will be right there.

love,

the christianista

I was in a long distance relationship for about 2 years. How did I do it? First of all, it wasn’t as hard as you would imagine. Secondly, it forced me to be wildly creative and think of ideas that I would’ve never thought of before. Lastly, it helped me to see and experience the relationship without the physical influences, but solely off of our personalities.

With all of the different technologies  like skype, gtalk, chats, webcams, ichat, and even cell phones, the distance between two people in long distance relationships are slowly bridging.

I was talking to one of my friends, who is currently in a long distance relationship, about some things that she could do while in her relationship to make it more fun:

• Make sure to constantly communicate – You aren’t able to see each other, so communicating is very important. Tones can be easily misinterpreted without clear communication over the phone and through text messages. In my relationship, my boyfriend at the time , didn’t like talking on the phone. Explain to your partner how important talking on the phone is and establish a time to talk everyday or however many times per week you decide.
• Rent the same movie and watch it together – This use to be a favorite of mine. We would rent the same movie, play it at the same time,  and stay on speakerphone to watch.
• Dinner and a movie – Like the above suggestion but adding dinner. We would both go to Burger King while we were  on the phone together and order and then watch a movie together.
• ichat/gtalk/skype – watching a movie or just watching each other, ichat creates a sense of togetherness
• Write love letters and send through snail mail – Sure, an email is great, but an actual letter is that much more special.
• Send care packages – My boyfriend at the time would send me packages of random things from pictures to tshirts that smelled like him. You don’t have to go out and buy new stuff, just make it personal.
• Send random I love you texts: One of my favorites “I’m here and you’re there. There doesn’t know how lucky it is.”
• Send a CD with you singing your favorite love songs – So you may not be a Mariah Carey, but that doesn’t matter. Having a CD with your voice is something your partner will never forget. Youtube has many songs with just the music and the lyrics that scroll on the screen like karaoke. Use Youtube for your music and record using Garageband.
• Define how long you will be in the relationship – Last but certainly not least, you can’t be in a long distance relationship forever. You need to define how long the gap in distance will exist in your relationship. Set a deadline or date.

These are just a few ideas to get you going, once you start, your creativity will take off. Some of these things can be done even if you aren’t in a Long Distance relationship. If you have things that are creative or cute that you’ve done in your relationshop, share them in the comment section.

love,

thechristianista

I was talking to some friends about trying a Detox Diet. The particular diet we were discussing was  the Lemonade Diet or Beyonce Diet. This type of diet is supposed to help you cleanse your body and in turn shed a few pounds. Apparently you are supposed to do a Detox once a year. Should we do the same for relationships?

Should we do a Relationship detox once a year. If you maintain a healthy lifestyle, then the detox diet would not be needed and the same goes for relationships. Ongoing evaluations of relationships keep us from having to do a yearly detox. But first, what is a toxic relationship, and how do you do a healthy detox?

Symptoms of a Toxic Relationship

1. The person gossips and talks bad about their friends, other people, and you

2. The person criticises and finds fault in everything and everyone

3. They don’t take into consideration your thoughts or ideas.

4. Demanding.

5. They put you down(may be very subtle).

6. Jealousy.

7. They are very needy. It’s all about them. When you call them to talk, they spill their day out without listening or asking about you.

8. Makes fun of you in front of people.

9. Constantly complain about their life.

10. They stress you out.

Healthy Detox

A detox can be done in many ways. Just like food, if done incorrectly, a detox can make you sicker than you were before.

1. Make a list of positives about the person

2. Involve a neutral person to gain a different perspective

3. Take responsibility and learn from the situation. Ask yourself why you are allowing this to happen?

4. Set boundaries. Let the person know what you will or will not tolerate.

5. Keep working on yourself. Work on your mindset, emotional capability, communication, and anger.

6. End the relationship. If all of the above don’t work, you have to walk away from the relationship.

This may seem harsh, but your health is more important. Relationships come in various forms. They can be friendships, intimate relationships, family, and business associates. Either way all “ships” are not meant to stay afloat.

Reading this list, you may find out that you are toxic person. Let’s try to be aware and cognizant on the impact we have on others. Being a positive light is someones life not only helps them, but it helps you as well.

Good luck and stay positive!

When I think of leaving this earth, I think of the people I will leave behind. I think about the hurt and heartache it will cause. Even though I will see my loved ones again, the time away from them for that time period will hardly be bearable. How to live beyond lost? Death may not be a lost that you are dealing with right now. In this economy living beyond job lost, relationship lost, body health lost, and many more is what many people are dealing with. Sometimes we have to take a step back and see how God is using us. He may be using us for someone else to see his mighty power.

Look at what God did to Job. The devil was jealous of Job and God let him take away EVERYTHING. Job’s cattle were taken away, all his servants killed, tornado destroyed his house and killed all of his children, and if that wasn’t enough  he got leprosy. Basically Job was a baller  who got robbed, employees were caught in a drive by, lost his house and kids to Hurricane Katrina, and then got the Swine Flu!! The craziest part of the story is, Job was never unfaithful to God and never questioned his love. WOW!

The question is asked again, how do you handle loss? I must admit, if I were Job, there would be some serious dialogue between God and myself.

In the end Job was blessed with double his cattle, had ten more kids, got his health back and lived another 140 years. God used Job to show us an example of devotion and long-suffering and is still showing us in 2009.

God thank you so much for all that you have done and given me. Thank you for letting your light shine through me. Please give me the strength and devotion of Job. Help me see the bigger picture when I am blinded by impenetrable trials and tribulations. In Jesus name…..

Read More here: Job 1:6-22

OK, so I searched for Christian blogs and most searches returned young pretty moms with families. I didn’t see one blog with young single Christians. Are they out there? Am I missing something? Although the other blogs were very interesting, I like to see young people in love with God. If you know of any blogs, please post them to my comments. During my search, here are some of my favorites:

http://cprice1018.wordpress.com/
http://disciplesteps.blogspot.com/
http://camys-loft.blogspot.com/

So….I’m not sure what brought me to this article but it was very interesting. Sex toys for Christian women? These sex toys have rules and regulations and are for married couples ONLY. Because I will embark on my married journey one day, I can appreciate couples trying to keep their union spicy as well as honest.

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